Kripalu
It has taken quite some time for me to process my recent trip to Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, MA. However, due to increased requests, I decided laying out my experience would be beneficial not only for me, but hopefully for some of the readers. I keep circling back to these two very specific words when I process my experience. Received and Validation. Received…. and Validation. What does that even mean? As a stay at home mother, small business owner, wife, friend, yoga teacher, and any other roles I have in my life, I find it difficult to receive anything. Someone always needs something from me, and I have enjoyed the role of being the giver. I decided this trip, however, was going to be about receiving. That it was ok for me to put aside those everyday roles and bask in the glory, to be treated, and to just receive whatever was calling me in those moments. Let me tell you what. I received a LOT!
My trip to Kripalu was for continuing education and a desperate need to heal burn out, rest, and absorb inspiration. I can’t remember the last time I had even one or two days to myself, so carving out 6 full days for my mental health seemed fitting. Not only did this opportunity present as a time to boost my yoga teachings, it gave me the opportunity to reconnect with myself as an individual. All too often we get lost in the structure of everyday existence, and sometimes I think that causes us to move robotically, not truly living life. The disconnection from the everyday moments of pure stimulation gave me time to reconnect with my body and my mind. It allowed me to dive into what it means to be me and the hopes I have in my present life and the future.
The trip to Kripalu wasn’t merely to reconnect as I intentionally enrolled in a training program to elevate and support my small business and the plans I have for the future. The training program was a “Trauma-Sensitive Yoga Teacher Training,” and was designed to assist yoga teachers and clinical providers to work with the identified trauma survivor/victim population and assist them in reconnecting to the body and mind through yoga. David Emerson and Jenn Turner were the presenters of the program and together, they have worked over the last 20 years to bring this model into the yoga and clinical worlds. I found the training after reading David’s book, “Overcoming Trauma through Yoga.” The book intrigued me and due to my background trauma field work, I knew this design would be great to implement into the future of The Yoga Haven.
Here was the tricky part of the program, you didn’t have to be a yoga teacher to attend, and you didn’t have to be a clinical provider. The group dynamic was interesting as there were 22 individuals identifying as one population or the other. However, only two of us [me included] happened to identify our scope of practice as both. I am not only a yoga teacher, I’m a social worker and former trauma therapist. This made the group dynamic challenging as the program progressed. Hold that thought….
The first few days were mesmerizing, eye opening, and absolutely life changing! My cup of knowledge had continually flooded and even overflowed with the information presented to the group. I was delighted to learn that unintentionally, I have already been doing this work. It turns out my background and knowledge of trauma has guided me to provide a safe, empowering space for individuals to merely explore the body. If you come to my yoga classes and The Yoga Haven, you are met with choices. We continually remind students there is no “right or wrong” in yoga and that regardless of the shapes or movements being offered, you can to choose how to progress your own practice. At The Yoga Haven, we remind students that we continue to challenge the power dynamic. Sure, we are the “teacher” per say, but you are the expert in your own body. We encourage students to think of the yoga teacher as merely a guide in the practice or an additional yoga prop. In a nutshell, this is exactly the basis of the trauma-sensitive model presented at Kripalu.
And that is the validation. I can not tell you how incredibly validated I felt to know I was already incorporating a safe model in my way of teaching. Not only is that model presented to identified members of the trauma survivor/victim population, I am presenting this model to the general population. Whether you struggle with trauma or not, you get to come to this studio or even my classes and be presented with the choice to move your body as you see fit on any given day, in any given moment. HOW COOL IS THAT?
Because of the group dynamic, there became a point in the training where I felt validated, heard, and understand; but, I was no longer receiving any more information. My cup had filled to the brim, and no matter how hard I tried to make room for more, it didn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. I think it’s because of the group dynamic. I found myself in this middle loop trying to hold conversations with the yoga teachers on how this model impacts all yoga teachings while they desperately tried not to make it therapeutic. I dabbled in conversations with the clinicians about how yoga isn’t specific postures and that yoga is merely moving your body, watching them struggle on how to incorporate this model into their private practices. At this point, I felt like I was giving. I was no longer trying to gain knowledge from this program, but rather assisting others in understanding how this model can be utilized in their worlds. These conversations were ones I needed to have at home with my own teachers, my students, my people… and while I truly love spreading insight, my role wasn’t meant to be the giver this time.
Just at the right moment, a beautiful friend of mine texted me and said, “If it doesn’t serve you, leave it behind. Someone told me that in a yoga class.” Me, it was me. I was that someone. I continually tell my students that it’s ok to leave something behind or to get rid of it, to change, to shift, to alter the shape if it no longer serves you. I continually tell my students that what we get to do with our bodies gives us the opportunity to learn, to grow, to adapt, and to take those concepts and apply them outside of the yoga studio. Why was it so hard for me to do the same? That text message was the motivation I needed to remember that it’s ok to move on from something. It’s ok to let go. It’s ok to feel validated and take what you need while leaving the rest behind. Putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you strong. It makes you smart. It allows you to recognize that you, too, are worthy of the things you so willingly give everyone else. That text message also made me feel even more validated. My words are resonating. My dream is coming to life. These incredible people that show up for yoga are learning from me, yes; but what they don’t realize is the enormous impact they have on me. We are creating a community with more room to grow. We get to learn from each other and while I’m here to support you, in turn, you are inspiring me. That’s the yoga!!
Two days before my original flight, it took one phone call and a quick shift for me to hop on an airplane and come home. The airplane ride itself provided insight and opportunities for me to learn and grow. Due to shifting my flight, I ended up being stuffed in the back of the plane near a the window. Once I sat down to buckle up, the flight attendant leaned over and asked if I’d be willing to change my seat. You see, the man next to me had his wife on the plane just a few rows up, and while the flight is short, they’d love to sit next to one another. Without hesitation, I said ABSOLUTELY! I don’t know their story. I don’t know where they are traveling. I don’t know why they didn’t already start together but needed to be together for this flight. It does me no good to say no, so of course I’d move.
The response from the flight attendant, the husband, and the wife was mind blowing. It seemed like I was being congratulated for saving a small kitten from being run over by a train. “Oh my gosh! Honey! You can switch with her! She’s nice. She’s so nice and she’s going to switch seats,” the husband stated. My eyes widened and I walked a few rows forward to settle in for the flight. End of story? No. During the flight, we were offered snacks. Listen, flying from Albany, NY to Detriot, MI doesn’t take long. An hour maybe. I planned to just rest and write my yoga classes while listening to inspiring music. The flight attendant thought otherwise. This woman ran to the front of the plane to gather an arm full of snacks from the first class bin. She brought them back to me and again thanked me for moving my seat. Moral of the story, you never know someone’s story. Whether they are on the street, in an airplane, taking a yoga class, or walking past you in the grocery store. Kindness and understanding goes a long way. Always choose kindness.
After this short flight and drive home, I pulled into my driveway in the dead of night, hugged my girls, kissed my husband, and thanked everything in existence for the opportunities I get in this beautiful life. Kripalu was an eye opening experience. The plane ride there and back. The drive with my mama. The time away from my everyday life gave me time to reflect, reconnect, and grow. Kripalu taught me how to take care of myself, how to let go; but, mostly, Kripalu validated me as an individual, me as a caregiver, me as a yoga teacher, and me as a small business owner. Kripalu showed me that the work I’m doing to create a safe, empowering space is worthy for all students. This is the community I’ve always dreamed of creating, and I can’t wait to continue to support it while we grow.
If you’re a student that’s been here from the beginning or you’re a student not yet ready for the journey, please know we see you. We appreciate you. We have the space for you to grow with us. The Yoga Haven invites you to join us regardless of who you are, where you came from, or the story you haven’t yet told. We are open to suggestions, feedback, and insight to keep this community on the path of being a Ha·ven /ˈhāv(ə)n/ noun. 1. a place of safety or refuge <3
