Impostor Syndrome
I never realized impostor syndrome even existed until I heard a friend talking about her own experience one day. It was like a light switch flipped on inside of my brain, and I thought to myself, “Oh, crap. That’s it!” Impostor syndrome! What even is it anyway? According to Wikipedia (because that’s a reliable source this day and age, yeah?), Impostor syndrome is a “Psychological pattern in which people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud.’" We live in a world where we are constantly being compared and criticized based on those around us. Evaluations at work. Comparisons of parenting via social media. Even our children have standardized testing to determine if they fall in the same developmental category as their peers. Day after day we fall into this pattern of comparison and truly it can take a toll on mental health.
I’ve always been a fairly confident person; but in the last decade, I haven’t done much outside of motherhood. I’ve been a stay at home mom for so long, and it suits me. I do a really great job of turning utter chaos in the home to pure structure. I’m serious. Ask my husband, my mom, my sister. Throw me in the ring with a slew of young children, and I will instantly turn that uproar into soliders marching in line. I’ve grown, learned, and evolved over time. I have a huge bag of tricks up my sleeve that I’m continually using in order to run a tight ship. But, when you remove me from that comfort zone, when you ask me to step outside the ring into the real world, with those things they call adults… insert. full. blown. panic. Facing peers changes the narrative. But why?
I have been teaching yoga for 6 years. I’ve been moving my body and learning from some of the most incredible yoga practitioners in the country. I have handfuls of yoga mentors that I reach out to weekly, sometimes even daily to collaborate and work with on continuing education. I always have my ears open, mind ready, and I absorb every bit of opportunity I’m given to learn from other people. I take classes. I have a personal yoga practice. I follow inspiring yoga content on social media. I take workshops, and I’ve started preparing for another yoga teacher training. So why is it when people look at me to be the one teaching all of the yoga, my self confidence goes down the drain? My mind is quickly consumed with negative self-talk, reminding myself over and over again that I have no idea what I’m talking about. Why would these people believe anything that I’m saying? Impostor syndrome. That’s why.
Here’s the thing, no one is an expert. Ok, maybe Dr. Curry, the forensic psychologist from the Heard/Depp trial is an expert; but, ultimately, she’s likely still learning, too. Humanity gives us an opportunity to continually grow and learn. Life, education, yoga, work, none of it is linear. It’s a twisted journey where we get to move forwards, backwards, sideways, any which way we want to go. We learn, things change, we learn again. We fall into a comfort pattern and routine, things change, and we learn again. Two steps forward, eight steps sideways, jump over the bridge, one step back. Never linear. Always changing.
Ok, cool. So what’s the point? Why this topic, this time? I’m not looking for pity. I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking to share this deep revelation so you can rave about any and all of the amazing, wonderful, and incredible experiences at The Yoga Haven. I’m sharing to tell you that you’re not alone. You have a plethora of knowledge in your area of passion, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with doubt. No one is telling you that you’re bad at what you do, but sometimes it feels like it. Sometimes, internally, we let the devil on the shoulder speak a little too loud. Not to mention, if someone does tell you that you have no idea what you’re talking about… who cares? One person, one opinion, one scenario does not define who you are as a human being or as a person in your field of passion. That person is likely suffering, too.
I invite you to continue to learn, to put yourself out there, to discover like-minded people that challenge the negative self-talk, and continue to surround yourself with a massive circle of supportive people (or a small one if people aren’t your jam!) that bring out the best in you. When impostor syndrome comes creeping in, let it. Absorb it. Sit with it. But don’t let it linger. Recognize that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but it doesn’t always have to be dark clouds either. Life is a constant journey, a balance, a push and a pull, a dance between what serves us and what doesn’t …. so, ride the wave.
